SPELT

How is it spelt?
This is the only thing I new about this word. Now it means much more than that for me.

I've already written in this blog how I connected to SPELT through Zaheer (Ladies - 29 Oct) but I have to go back again.

After I'd met Zaheer I had a look at his friend list. There was a young lady, Saheefa. She put her wedding photo as her cover picture and looked extremely happy and beautiful. I sent her friend request but had to wait for days for her reply because she was busy with her first newborn baby.
At the very first time we were chatting she introduced herself as a worker for British Council and suggested me to write a proposal. 'Good idea', I thought, but didn't make any effort to write it.
Then I got to know more and more English teachers in SPELT and my proposal was urgently needed.

I have to confess something. I've never written any proposals before. So I asked Peggy, my Radical English colleague in California to help me and correct my article. "It's good, but not a proposal" she said and she was absolutely right. I didn't want to sell anything, how could I write a proposal? So it turned a Mission Statement which you can read on my Facebook page as well. (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Judit-Tarczy/1431760423714443).

As I'd finished my Mission Statement (MS) obviously I wanted to share it. On Saturday I was on Facebook and saw Faisal online. He is an active worker and speaker at SPELT. He read my MS and wanted to know more details, so we turned to Skype and had about an hour of talk. While we were talking he suddenly remembered a lady in Karachi who is Hungarian. He gave me her FB profile id, but there was some problem and I couldn't send her request. I tried to get contacted her through commenting her posts and after 24 hours of waiting I got her message "hello, itt vagyok!" She is DrZsu, the well known trainer and motivator in Karachi who has been living there for three years now and doesn't want to move even to the USA where she is being invited all the time. She found her home in Pakistan.

Now turn back again to Saturday. I also showed my MS to Saheefa and after she had read it she sent me a link about a kind of teaching training in Turkey. She said I might be interested in it.
I went through the page but didn't understand clearly. I asked help from my Radical English colleagues again. Some of them said it's not worth, some said just try it. I started filling the application form but was hooked at the cover letter. What should I write in a cover letter? So I just left it hanging in the air. Wasn't sure about it.

On Monday morning I had a half an hour of Skype talking to Dr Zsu. She gave me essential information about being a foreign lady in Pakistan and invited me to be her guest when I'm going to Pakistan. She also suggested me to get contacted to Lubna in Spelt. "I've already chatted to her" I told.
"You should also contact to Rehan" she said. "I've already done" I replied.
I told her about my fear of getting visa. "Don't worry" she said, "I know the Pakistani ambassador in person..."

After finishing talking to her I had a very strong thought. "You must go to Turkey and immediately after you go to Pakistan".

I went to Saheefa again and asked her some more details about Turkey. She gave me an email contact where I got answers for my questions and even more. My dream came true when I was told it would be good if I brought an interactive teaching material. Step4English must be finished by the end of January! Oh! And I need somebody who is able to help me to prepare the Turkish version!

I sent a whatsapp message to Dursun in Turkey saying "help!" He is the nice man in Kirikkale whom I visited with my partner this summer (read this blog: One Step Closer; 20 August). Immediately he asked what the problem was. I wrote him I'm going to Bursa in January and need a help who speaks good English and has time. "I know an English teacher in Bursa" he replied.

What is going on here? Can anybody tell me?

DrZsu

You can't read this post in English - sorry... It's the whole story for my only Hungarian speaking friends and relatives. Soon I'll write DrZsu's story in English. 

Nem véletlen, hogy ezt a bejegyzést magyarul írom.
És most azok számára, akik kevésbé tudnak angolul, egy kicsit visszakanyarodok, és elmesélem, hogyan jutottam DrZsuhoz.

Nem egészen egy éve, tavaly karácsonykor bekapcsolódtam egy Skype beszélgetésbe, amit egy amerikai nyelvtanár hirdetett a LinkedIn-en (ez egy hasonló közösségi oldal mint a Facebook, csak inkább szakmai mint magán kapcsolatok számára). Kíváncsi voltam, mit tud csinálni egy amerikai a Skype-on nyelvtanítás címén. Szakmailag nem sokat tanultam, de a beszélgetés egyik pakisztáni résztvevője, egy 30 éves fialal srác felvette velem a kapcsolatot, és elkezdtünk beszélgetni.
Nem volt könnyű áthidalni a kulturális szakadékot, és mivel nem volt összehasonlítási alapom, nem tudtam eldönteni, hogy mi az, ami az ő személyes tulajdonsága, és mi az, ami társadalmi, kulturális sajátosság a viselkedésében. Úgy tekintett rám, mint anyjára, mert az édesanyját a 2005-ös kasmiri földrengésben elveszítette. Próbáltam őt leszakítani magamról, kizártam őt az ismerőseim közül, de ő sokkal kitartóbbnak és elszántabbnak bizonyult. Így még most is ő az egyik legkedvesebb online barátom.
Kaptam tőle egy meghívást a jövőre esedékes esküvőjére, de nem éreztem úgy, hogy nekem oda feltétlen el kellene mennem.

Közben folyamatosan épült a LinkedIn kapcsolatrendszerem. Mivel szakmai közösségről van szó, főleg angol tanárok kerestek meg, és én minden felkérést elfogadtam, így lassan 1000-re nőtt a virtuális kapcsolataim száma. De valós kapcsolatom csak nagyon kevés emberrel volt (van). Valós kapcsolatnak hívom, hogy megszólítjuk egymást levélben, megjegyezzük egymás nevét, megismerjük egymás családját, beszélgetünk videó kapcsolatban, és több-kevesebb rendszerességgel üzeneteket váltunk egymással mint jó barátok.

Május közepe táján rövid időn belül négy muzulmán férfi szólított meg személyesen a LinkedIn-en. Egy török, két pakisztáni, és egy iráni. Nem nagyon örültem a dolognak, de biztos távolságban éreztem magam tőlük, és semmi okot nem adtak arra, hogy elutasítsam őket. Viszont kaptam tőlük valamit, amivel elvarázsoltak. Tiszteletet, szeretetet, elfogadást. Anélkül, hogy bármilyen kétértelmű vagy tisztességtelen ajánlatot vagy megjegyzést tettek volna.

Felfigyeltem rá, hogy most már 3 pakisztáni ismerősöm volt, mindháromtól meghívásom Pakisztánba, és mindhárman az északi országrészben laknak, 300 kilométeres körzetben.

Ezidőtájt komoly levelezésben voltam az Angliában élő húgommal, aki azt mondta, elveszítettem a valósághoz való érzékenységemet. Ez a mondat annyira felbosszantott, hogy elmentem a párommal Törökországba, és meglátogattam azt a muszlim török férfit és családját, akivel alig három hónapja kerültem online kapcsolatba. (Köszönöm Csuri!  :)

Rövidesen egy újabb pakisztáni férfitől kaptam nagyon kedves, nagyon udvarias személyes levelet a LinkedIn-en. Szintén az északi országrészből, benne a 300 km-es körzetben. Ő volt a negyedik.

Kezdett elegem lenni a muszlim férfiakból. Hol vannak a nők???? Úgy éreztem, még a végén azoknak lesz igazuk, akik azt mondják, ott a nőket semmibe veszik, lealázzák, úgy tartják őket mint vagyontárgyakat ha nem rosszabbul. Pedig a férfiak nem ezt mondták nekem, de vajon hihetek nekik?!

Ekkor (nyár közepén) már nagyon úgy éreztem, el kell mennem Pakisztánba, de a családom részéről nagyon merev ellenállásba ütköztem. Hallani nem akartak róla, ezért elgondolkodtam, hogy miért is akarok én Pakisztánba menni, és rájöttem, hogy akár még mint pedagógus is mehetek.

Amikor célt kapott Pakisztán, ránéztem újra a LinkedIn-es kapcsolataimra, és megdöbbenten láttam, hogy az 1000 kapcsolatból mindössze 16 pakisztáni. Statisztikailag teljesen érthetetlen, hogy miért van 4 személyes kapcsolatom abban a 300 km-es körzetben, amikor más országokkal, ahol sokkal több a kapcsolatom, egy sincsen.

Úgy gondoltam, nem veszíthetek semmit, ha megszólítom azokat a pakisztániakat is, akikkel eddig nem volt kapcsolatom, és leírom nekik, hogy menni szeretnék Pakisztánba. Az egyik férfinél azonban elbizonytalanodtam. A profilképén egy hatalmas íróasztal mögött pózolt egy főnöki bőrfotelban. Na, erre az emberre nekem nincs szükségem - gondoltam, és továbbléptem. De a végén csak-csak visszakanyarodtam hozzá, és írtam neki néhány sort. Természetesen csak vele alakult ki személyes online kapcsolat... Ő Zaheer, egy háromgyerekes édesapa Lahore-ban, aki angol irodalmat tanít, és tagja a Pakisztáni angol tanárok szövetségének, röviden SPELT-nek. És rajta keresztül végre megnyílt az út a pakisztáni muszlim nők felé. Hirtelen, egy-két hét alatt öt nővel kerültem kapcsolatba, akiktől ugyanazt a szeretetet, elfogadást kaptam, mint a férfiaktól. Mind kolléga, mind angol tanár.

Kezdett forogni velem a világ, de még messze nem volt vége! Beszélgettem egy amerikai hölggyel, aki évtizedek óta rendszeresen jár Pakisztánba, és vendég előadója a SPELT konferenciáknak.
Megírtam egy "Mission Statement"-et, ami arról szól ki vagyok, és mit akarok Pakisztánnal, Pakisztántól. Ez óriási lépés ahhoz képest, hogy három hónapja még fogalmam nem volt, miért akarok Pakisztánba menni.

Tegnap este felmentem a Facebookra és körülnéztem, kik vannak online. Ott volt Faisal, aki a SPELT Facebook csoportjának adminisztrátora, és pár szót már váltottunk egymással. Megszólítottam, elküldtem neki a Mission Statement-emet, és pár perc múlva felhívtuk egymást Skype-on. Ő történetesen nem abban a 300 km-es körzetben lakik, hanem délen, Karacsiban, de ez már nem sokat jelent. Pakisztánban, és kész.
Ahogy beszélgettünk, egyszercsak azt mondja: ismer ő egy magyart, aki Karacsiban él és dolgozik. Ő drZsu. Az első magyar ismerősöm, akinek bármi személyes köze van Pakisztánhoz. Egy fiatal hölgy, aki szintén online kapcsolat útján került Pakisztánba, és a videó bemutatkozását így zárja: "Köszönöm Pakisztán!"

Egy vallomással zárom ezt a hosszúra nyúlt beszámolómat.

Beleszerettem Pakisztánba. Tipikusan olyan tüneteket produkálok, mint egy szerelmes kamasz. Nem tudok másról beszélni, mint Pakisztánról. A gondolataim állandóan ekörül forognak. Újra és újra próbálok józanul gondolkodni, és figyelmeztetni magam, hogy idestova 50 éves felnőtt nő vagyok, és egy országba nem lehet beleszeretni!!! És mégis...

u.i: Szerintetek miért kapott a férjem Dubaiban munkát? Miért pakisztániakkal van körülvéve, holott több indiai dolgozik arrafele mint pakisztáni...

Have a Safe Flight Farzana

SPELT (Society of Pakistan English Language Teachers) conference was in Islamabad and Lahore this weekend. I felt like if I were there... I saw photos and saw a beautiful lady signed on a photo. Followed what I always do these days: sent her a friend request on Facebook. Why not?

She accepted my request a few minutes ago. She was at the airport after the conference, flying home to Karachi. Started chatting... Changed email addresses...

She invited me to the next SPELT conference in November 2014. She also recommended me Judith Findlay to ask her about Pakistan through the eyes of a foreigner.

Let me quote here only one sentence of Farzana.

"We will not let you leave so easily"

Now, this is the only thing I'm afraid of...

But the thing is, that my family doesn't want to leave me so easily either...

WC Judit

I have a very nice friend in England, who loves her beautiful mother tongue, English. She doesn't like any modern changes in it, very sensitive about any mistakes.

Last time she was writing about some difficulties and problems in her daily life. I started my answer by writing: OMG! She asked me 'What does OMG stand for?' (It's 'oh, my God!')

After answering her I went on Facebook, surfing on SPELT (Society of Pakistan English Language Teachers) and found a comment about AIOU ELT Workshop. I asked what it meant admitting I was new in the group.
Soon I got the answer starting like this 'WC Judit Tarczy'. I was laughing loud. I knew what Sajid had wanted to say, but still WC means toilet in Hungary and in most of Europe, which he obviously didn't know.

A few minutes later I've got his request for friendship and started a private chat.

 This is how WC can make friends... LOL (laugh out loud)

Ladies

Since I got my very first muslim friend last December I've always wanted to have female friends. I wanted to get to know my friends' wives, but they were hiding. I thought all ladies were hiding in Pakistan...

Then I met Zaheer (you can read about him in my post "Where there is a will..." 14 Oct 2013.) He became the bridge to Pakistani ladies.

Let me see, how many ladies I met in two weeks.

First Quratulain (I call her Dimple) wanted to be my friend. She is a nice girl, a colleague of Zaheer in Lahor. We often chat to each other, like sisters.

One day I found a post of Zaheer about an ELT (English Language Teachers) conference in Karachi. The group's name which shared the information was SPELT (Society of Pakistan English Language Teachers)

I asked Zaheer about SPELT, and he said it was a very good group. It has/had about 3900 members.

Ok, let me ask to join the group! I sent request but being not Pakistani I doubt I would be accepted. But yes, I was! Very soon!

And guess what! I found 3 mutual friends in the group! I knew about Zaheer, but Shahbaz Mustafai was also there and most surprisingly Duncan Baker was the member of the group! (Radical English Teachers' group was founded at Duncan's house last year in England.)

Im very visual and profile photos tell me a lot. There was a very nice blond lady, member of SPELT. Her name is Salma Mahmud, lives in Canada, Toronto. I thought she was from Canada with a Pakistani husband. But I was wrong. She was born in Pakistan, Karachi, having a Pakistani husband and they've moved to Canada recently. She is a beautiful friend and colleague. 

At the same time I found an other beautiful Pakistani lady (Saheefa) in the group who showed up her face. I sent her request as well, not knowing, that she works at British Council... She was the teacher of Zaheer who married to the student of Zaheer, who works also at British Council. Wow!

As I was watching photos taken at the conferences of SPELT I saw a lady on the stage (Lubna). I sent her request. Why not? The worst can happen that she ignores my request... But she didn't! I sent her a thank you message and she replied saying

"Technology has shrinked the world, Dr. Judith Findlay and I met on fb few years back. In 2011 she presented a webinar and in 2012 she managed to join us as a plenary speaker for the SPELT 28th Conference. Today we are colleagues and working on a project together. So you never know, may be in the next conference , you make it as well."

Lovely! Let me find this Dr Judith Findlay! Not a difficult job at all! 15 minutes later I was a friend of Judith and was chatting to her! She is 70 years old teacher in America who is in love with Pakistan. 

I looked back and remembered when I wanted to find some contact to Oxford University Press and I couldn't have any in half a year!!! I sent several emails, tried to contact via LinkedIn, but it was like talking to a deaf wall. (it's a Hungarian saying...)

Something is happening to me...

The Circle is Complete

Last week somebody signed me as a friend on Facebook. Some kind of muslim of course.

I told him I wasn't collecting contacts. I accept friend requests only if I know the person more or less. I asked him to introduce himself, but he didn't.

Well, I found one mutual friend, so I asked about him and I was told he was all right. So a few days later I gave up my theorem and accepted his request. We had a few words of chat then nothing.

One Friday I sent him a short message. It was an accident, I wanted to send it to someone else but after the message we started chatting.

Very soon we found that he had been the school-friend of a third person who is also my friend. The circle has closed up.

I asked him why he signed me. He said he liked my smile... He realized it only some time later that we have a mutual friend.

Now, my dear friends! If you find out who my new friend is, I offer you a nice reward. No guesses are accepted. You can tell me the right name or don't tell anything.

The Blessings of my First Eid

No, not first aid, first Eid. Which is one of the biggest muslim event in the year. It's like Christmas in christian countries.
They remember Abraham who was ready to sacrifice his son. Doesn't matter which son, what matters is the fact that he was ready to sacrifice him.
Muslim families buy an animal to sacrifice and give the one third of the meat to poor people. Also they share one third with relatives and keep only one third of it for their own family. Life stops for 5 days, everybody is going to meet relatives.

I virtually took part of the preparations. Everybody was talking about the animal which was prepared to be sacrificed. One family bought a cow, another one a goat, the other one a sheep. They all were very excited about the day of Eid. Children were playing with the animal then learnt they have to sacrifice it. What a lesson! Yes, some of them were crying, but the lesson is still there. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your beloved things.

I liked Salim the best who told his children 'we are poor, we can't sacrifice an animal this year'. But bought a sheep in secret and surprised his children with it.

Dursun performed a complete live-show how Hacer, his wife was baking baklava for Eid. Thank you for that!

What about my blessings?

In the morning of Eid I got a whats.app message on my mobile saying "Eid Mubarak" - which means something like Happy Eid. But I didn't know the phone number the message arrived from. Started to chat to the person. We both were confused. "How do you know my phone number? Who started the conversation? Why did you send me that message? Are you playing with me?"
No, he wasn't playing. He got my phone number from Skype (I cleared it immediately). He is a young boy working in Mekka at the Clock Tower.
Where does your family live?
'In Pakistan' he replied. 'I thought so, but where in Pakistan?'
Yes, I wasn't surprised when he said 'in Pakistan'. Where else could he live? Everybody lives in Pakistan!

I don't think things happen accidentally. But who or what is the organizer, I have no idea. I feel like being moved by an uncontrollable power.

Nearly the same time I got a request on Facebook. Another muslim-sounding person. NO, NOT HERE! I wanted to close down!!! At this point I wanted to leave everything and run away. Don't do it with me!
Guess what happened about three hours later? I accepted his request. Yes, Pakistani. Of course...

Other blessings?

Video talking to Tahir's family... Getting invitation from Tahir's wife...

Talking to Zaheer first time...

Talking to Ahmed about language teaching...

Getting several Eid-greetings on Facebook... Such lovely words and good wishes...

And Eid hasn't finished yet...

All the blessings my dear friends on this very special Eid!

Where there is a will...

I checked my LinkedIn contacts and found about 950 contacts. When I checked them by location I found most of them from Hungary, than many from Turkey, England, Saudi Arabia, China, Iran, UAE, Argentina and then Pakistan with 16 contacts.

What about my personal contacts?
I have many from Hungary, one from Turkey, some from England, none from Saudi Arabia nor China, one from Iran, one from UAE, none from Argentina, and four from Pakistan. Absolutely illogical!

After checking my contacts I made a big decision. I decided to do what I hadn't done before: I would write a short message to each one of my Pakistani contacts about my plan to go to Pakistan and ask them to have a closer personal contact.

There was only one person where I hesitated. He looked too professional, and I thought he wouldn't talk to me anyway. I was afraid of being rejected. I don't like being rejected!
But later I turned back to him and wrote a few words.
Guess, what happened! He is the only one who has talked to me so far! And even further, he is the one who solves one of my great problem: getting contacted to ladies in Pakistan. But it's another story.

I'm so thankful for my 5th friend in that 300 km circle! Thank you Zaheer for accepting my friendship.

Gave Up

"Where there is a will, there is a way"

I'm ready to go to Pakistan. I've found nothing to stop me.

I have more and more close contacts in that 300 km circle.

The idea has been born too. It would be all about education. Children's education. I've asked my friends if they can arrange me visitings to schools and I've got some positive answers.

Also I would like to visit places where children can't go to school and find out if there is any will or desire of learning/teaching at home.

All signs show to go.

And at this point I gave up.

WHY????

To "give up" has another personal meaning for me than usual.

For me it means to give it to the strongest power ever, the power of God.
For me it means I do everything what I can, what I need to do, while being in contact to that higher power.
For me it means it's not me who want to make all efforts to succeed but leave it to the One who knows my way much better than me.
For me it means I know it will be GOOD.

And the most difficult time has arrived. To wait.

The Fourth One

Last sunday very early morning I opened my LinkedIn profile and found some letters in my inbox. They were just usual adverts and requests for doing this and that, but one was different. It said: Gracious Greetings!

What greeting starts like this?
I looked into the message which was the following:

Dear Judit!
Love & Peace from Pakistan!
Thank you very much for adding me to your contact list!
Best Blessings!
Cordially, 
Tariq Khan
email:  ...

The words itself were very nice and when I looked at the place where Tariq works I was even more surprised. I can tell you, I was a little shocked.
I found Tariq's place in the 300 km circle, where I have three more friends in Pakistan. He is the fourth friend in 300 km circle.
He is an assistant professor at Malakand, expert of English language and education.

Also he has 4 siblings just as I have, and he is the fourth child of her mother and father. Number 4 is getting to be a kind of "holy number" for me. So many things are connected to number 4.

Well, after we'd returned from Turkey I got a long letter from the Hungarian embassy in Islamabad. They answered my earlier letter where I asked about security circumstances in Pakistan. They didn't encourage me to go to Pakistan to visit my friends. Tahir, my friend in Abottabad said the same. I decided not to go. At least not in the near future. But what is "near future"? I want to go next year, not earlier than summer. Is it "near future"?

I don't know. But one thing I know much better than ever: I will go to Pakistan one day. Sooner or later.

One step closer

There are things which can't be shown on pictures. This is what I want to share in this blog.

Going to Turkey was a sudden decision. The only reason was to visit an online friend whom I met in May, about 3 months ago. Everything started on LinkedIn. I'm just laughing while reading our first chats. I have to tell, it was Dursun, who started talking, not me. He wanted to get to know me, and I still don't know why. He asked me about my skype id, gmail address etc. So many things you can know of somebody if you get searching carefully. There was nothing I found strange about him except he didn't speak very good English.

I can't tell you the moment I decided to go to Turkey. All of a sudden our flight tickets was in our hands, our hotels were booked, and agreed with Dursun when to meet for a one day out while being in Turkey.

Dursun is muslim - of course. This is why I say in the title "one step closer". It was the first time to get touched by Islamic world. Also it was the first time I travelled with my life partner, Gyuri. He doesn't speak English, so I was a little nervous about the trip.

It was a little strange to see so many covered ladies in Istanbul. They were from other muslim countries and visited Turkey just like us. We stayed only one day in the city, visited the historical places and breathed the multicultural atmosphere. Gyuri walked on the streets knowing each stones. He read a lot about the city and it's history. So he was my guide, and didn't need any help from me. What a surprise!

Being Hungarian in the old historical Istanbul is a unique experience. "Macar pasa" - they called Gyuri, and he felt honored by being called "Magyar" which is "Hungarian" both in Hungarian and Turkish. We have a long 150 years of parallel history in the 15-16th century when a big part of Hungary was occupied by the Turkish empire. Many Hungarians were brought down to Istanbul as a captive for being a wife, a slave or simply a prisoner. But some of them found new home in Turkey and did memorable things for them.

Istanbul was a little crowded for me. Actually I was not very well (had a bad infection), but still I didn't like the old city very much. Too many tourists, too narrow streets, too many cars, too many horns, too hot, too humid, too tired. Too many sellers, too high prices, too little experience in barging.

On the third day we went to Ankara by coach. Seven and a half hours of rest. We enjoyed it very much. We were served like on an aeroplane, yet very cheep. We payed only 40 TL which is about 20 USD.

Arriving at Ankara I felt like starting breathing. Wide streets, great view, much colourful lights at night, cool air, fresh wind, some rain too.

People are so much different in Ankara. There are no more covered ladies. Many of them cover head with a scarf, but not wearing black chador which has only a small slit for looking out.

It was a surprise for me that Turkish people don't speak English. We found very few people who were able to speak a few words in English. Except the hotel receptionists of course. Even though they are very polite and helpful. As soon as somebody realize you are a tourist and not sure how to find your way, he will lead you all your way. Even if he doesn't go to the same direction. It was a very nice experience.

Next morning the most exciting day started. We were woken up at 5:30, taxi took us to the coach station to leave by the earliest coach to Kirikkale, where Dursun and his family lives.
Dursun came by himself to collect us at the coach station called "otogar". He collected his wife at his home after being sure we were not "dangerous" :)
After changing some small presents with his wife she became very friendly and after a few minutes we felt like old friends even though she doesn't speak English at all. We were asked if we wanted to go Hattusa which is closer or a little further to Cappadocia which is more famous. Gyuri was very happy to hear the name of Hattusa, so there was no more question, except if we were hungry or not. We were not, but Hacer, Dursun's wife was, so they called Dursun's sister to ask her to prepare some breakfast for us. What a surprise! She lives in a very small village where only about 50 people live.

Turkish rural breakfast is prepared on the floor. Hacer, Dursun's sister (the same name as his wife) was sitting on the floor, preparing "yufka", the flat huge sheets which can be called a kind of bread. They tear a piece of it, put some vegetable, cheese, eggplant cream or anything from the table, roll it and eat. We were kindly served, otherwise we would have not been able to eat.

There is an international language which you will never misunderstand. It is smile. So we smiled a lot to each other and enjoyed fellowship. Felt like brothers and sisters.
After visiting Hattusa we returned to Dursun's sister and her family (two sons and a daughter) for dinner. But first we had to prepare our own food which was "çig köfte". It is prepared in a huge stone pot. We were given an enormous  wooden hammer and had to hammer the mixture in the stone pot. It was the strangest food I have ever seen to prepare. Hacer sat down on the floor again, covered her legs and floor with a cloth, formed balls from the mixture and put them on the cloth. Some of them his son fried in the kitchen and served on plates. The balls were rolled into the yufka (the bread sheet) with some vegetables and it was the main dish. There were scrambled eggs, home made cheese, apricot jam, and all rolled into yufka. The only thing we didn't roll, was the soup, in which "bamya"(okra) from the garden was cooked.
While we were eating at the table, Hacer sat down on the floor and cut melon into pieces. She served it as a desert. It was delicious!

Two more things I have to mention.
It was obvious to cover my head when arrived at rural place. Hacer, Dursun's wife did the same. But Hacer also put on a skirt over her jeans after we arrived. I also was given a long skirt to wear if I wanted. Yes, of course, I wanted.

Some time later Dursun apologized and went into the house for his prayer. After he came out I asked him 'What if I asked you to pray together with you?' 'Why not?' he replied.
Next time we heard the imam from the mosque calling for evening prayer, Dusun called me 'It's prayer time. Are you coming with me?' 'Why not?' I answered. We went into the room, he said I might imitate him, but I said I would rather pray like Christians pray, and went down on my knees behind him, closed my eyes and quietly prayed while he was doing his prayer. It was amazing. Unique spiritual experience.

Life didn't stop while visitors were eating and praying. Cows needed to be milked, engines needed to be brought back from the fields, chickens and cats needed to be fed. After tasting the fresh milk (boiled), we said "gülü gülü" to the lovely family and left to Kirikkale. Another surprise, we were invited to Dursun's home. His sons arrived home and waited us. We sat down in the sitting room, and while waited for the strong Turkish coffee, Burak, Dursun's younger son served some chocolate. Before taking a piece of chocolate he poured some odorous liquid into my hands. I was shown to clean my hands with this liquid and take the chocolate after it.

It was too late, we had to leave back to Ankara. Dursun took us to the otogar, but this time his wife and son came with us too. He bought us the tickets, and helped us to get seats on the minibus. Without their help we wouldn't have been able to get back to Ankara that night.

The last day of our trip in Turkey we visited Ankara. It was a quiet Sunday, but the bazaar was open. We enjoyed it very much.

There is a very private but important thing which is not mentioned in most of the tourists' books. Toilets. If you enter into a public toilet mainly you will find only a hole and two footprints to step on it. If you have never used a toilet like this, you will be shocked. But Turkish people are very familiar with it. In Dursun's sister's house they had a toilet like this. But in hotels there are "normal" toilets. I don't know about other family homes, but I suspect there are mostly normal toilets. After you finish at the toilet, you have to use a plastic jug. For some days I didn't know how to use it. But finding this jug under a tap in every toilets, slowly I found out this is for flashing the toilet. You fill the jug with water and pour it all over the hole, the footprints and the surrounding area. Because of that there is no smell after using the toilet. They are much more clean than normal toilets.
If you feel your feet dirty, you can go out and wash them. There are many places where you can sit down in front of a tap, and wash your feet. It is because muslims have to wash their face, hands and feet before praying, but also they have to use the toilet before praying. So if there is a mosque, there is a toilet too. It's so simple. But you have to pay nearly everywhere for using the toilet.
Nowadays there are more and more public toilets for disabled, and you can be sure they are normal toilets. So use toilets for disabled if you don't want to squat.

After being in Turkey, the very first muslim country I visited, I feel much more "I want to go to Pakistan". And pretty sure, I will some day.

Ramadhan

First I have to write about two of my friends.

Dursun wanted to get contacted me very much. He did everything for make me to start talking to him. He found me on LinkedIn and tried hard to get closer to me.
First I was very mistrustful to him. Another muslim man, not much younger than me, noooo!, I didn't want it!!! But slowly I accepted him as a friend, and enjoyed talking to him.

The other one is even more ridiculous. One day I've got a Skype request from a man called Ahmed Usmani. What the hell is going here??? Why muslim men want me so much??? And why ONLY muslim men wants me??? (Yes, I was told by my dear nephew, muslim men are crazy about blond ladies, but why is it right now? Why not earlier? I'm too old to be a second wife...!)
But yet, I accepted Ahmed's request just as I've accepted nearly all requests so far. I made him so happy by chatting to him! He is single, and lonely. Well, I don't like lonely people who has too much time, but Ahmed was not only a lonely man, but he is also an English teacher, a colleague. So I decided to start our friendship at this point.

One evening I was chatting to Ahmad and Dursun at the same time, when Ahmad had an urgent problem. He wanted to be sure, if Ramadhan starts the next day. It did. I asked him a few things about Ramadhan, and went to chat to Dursun to check what he says about it. At the same time I was searching the Internet for reliable information. "not to eat, nor drink all day" - oh, no!!! How can they do it in this hot weather? Do they really keep it, or they just pretend fasting?

Went to Dursun again while kept chatting to Ahmad. And Dursun said a magic word: "If you want, you can try with me"
He was only joking, but at this point I already thought it seriously... But didn't feel ready.

I went to bed, and woke up very early in the morning, still not feeling ready for starting fast. But instead of sitting down and drinking my morning coffe, I started cleaning. I was cleaning and thinking about fast. I was looking for a doctor's opinion about fasting on the Internet. He said, fasting is very good, but you need to drink. So, not much before noon I was ready to start the first fast in my life. I cooked some herbal tea and coffee with no milk, no sugar, and continued cleaning.

Very soon I realized I was alone, and nobody was expected to come home - what a miracle!... So I decided not to talk nor listen to music or video all day - if it is possible. And so it was! I had to refuse only one phone call all day! I was in silence all day long! Incredible!

But still I didn't know what is the reason of fasting. Why do people fast all over the world for a whole month?

Next morning I woke up, and I was sure to continue my fast. I was still alone, doing the kitchen and suddenly I felt like my soul is being separated from my body. My body was whining like "Don't do it with me! I want food! I have a headache! I don't need suffering!" But my soul was far above my body saying "Shut up! I do what I want to do with you! You will not overcome! Just do what I want to do with you!"

I wanted to learn this lesson for so long! What a wonderful experience of fasting!

How did it start?

Just before Christmas 2012 I've got an invitation letter on LinkedIn for a free talk on Skype for people who want to practice English. I'm an English teacher and wanted to know what this American teacher could do with a group of foreign people on Skype. So I joined for a few minutes. It was two days before Christmas. I was busy with baking ginger breads for my family.

We are a very special family. I have four grown up daughters and a husband who left us nearly ten years ago. But we come together for each Christmas eve and give presents, and we enjoy each others. 

As I joined to the Skype session, I was asked who I was, and I talked a few minutes about myself but very soon I went back into the kitchen after realizing all people were non-christian. Some were muslim, some hindu, some russian who don't celebrate Christmas. It was strange to notice Christmas was not so important all over the world. 

The event itself wasn't very interesting. I didn't learn anything new. But I got two Skype invitations by two of the participant boys. One was Hameed from Pakistan, the other was Sandeep from India. 

Very soon I was a very close friend of these boys. Both were wanted to get married but none of them had an arranged financée yet. 

One day I was chatting with Hameed when he got a phone call from Pakistan. She was a girl who asked him to marry her because she had loved him for a long time since they were in the same class in a course. Otherwise she would be given to another boy. Hameed was shocked. Me too. What a brave girl! I asked Hameed what he would do. He wanted to wait until he would go home (he was working in Dubai) and see if he wants to marry the girl or not. I told him 'You're stupid! The girl can't wait for half a year! She wants to get an answer right now!' But Hameed was shy. He didn't know what to say or write. He didn't want to write anyway. At last I suggested him some very short messages and forced him to send a text message. I really had to force him. 'I'm shy, I'm shy' he whined. But at last he sent the text. And very soon after he invited me for his wedding with this girl...

Slowly I got to know his family too. I started teaching his cousin, his nephew, and talked to other members of his family too. He became a part of my life. If I don't hear about him for 2 or 3 days, I call him or he calls me. Yes, sometimes we use mobile as well, because internet connection is not very stabil there. 

But I wasn't sure to go. I couldn't rely on him fully. He lives in Dubai and I have to go to Pakistan for the wedding. What if I'm left at the airport? Who will help me if he is busy at his wedding? 

I've got the answer at the end of June.

I've got a new LinkedIn friend, called Tahir Rafique. He signed me and asked if we could be friends. Yes, sure, we might be friends after talking some time... And we became. He lives 2 hours of driving from Hameed's home. He is a 43 good at English, self employed, has 3 kids. One day he just invited me to visit him in his home and stay there. He promised me to be my guide if I wanted.

Just a few days after I first met Tahir somebody signed me on LinkedIn. I accepted his invitation. He wrote me a few lines saying 'Do you think that we can interact positively to learn from each other?' Signed as Dr Muhammad Shabhaz. Where from? Just about 2-3 hundred kms from Hameed and Tahir. He is 29, and has a little daughter. And promised me to help me if I need while being in Pakistan.

Now, I really want to go to Pakistan. I still don't know why. It just has a magnetic power on me. 

I was talking to an Indian friend of mine about going to Pakistan. He asked: 'What can you lose?'

Yes! What can I lose? My life? Or a great turning point of my life if I don't go.