Ramadhan

First I have to write about two of my friends.

Dursun wanted to get contacted me very much. He did everything for make me to start talking to him. He found me on LinkedIn and tried hard to get closer to me.
First I was very mistrustful to him. Another muslim man, not much younger than me, noooo!, I didn't want it!!! But slowly I accepted him as a friend, and enjoyed talking to him.

The other one is even more ridiculous. One day I've got a Skype request from a man called Ahmed Usmani. What the hell is going here??? Why muslim men want me so much??? And why ONLY muslim men wants me??? (Yes, I was told by my dear nephew, muslim men are crazy about blond ladies, but why is it right now? Why not earlier? I'm too old to be a second wife...!)
But yet, I accepted Ahmed's request just as I've accepted nearly all requests so far. I made him so happy by chatting to him! He is single, and lonely. Well, I don't like lonely people who has too much time, but Ahmed was not only a lonely man, but he is also an English teacher, a colleague. So I decided to start our friendship at this point.

One evening I was chatting to Ahmad and Dursun at the same time, when Ahmad had an urgent problem. He wanted to be sure, if Ramadhan starts the next day. It did. I asked him a few things about Ramadhan, and went to chat to Dursun to check what he says about it. At the same time I was searching the Internet for reliable information. "not to eat, nor drink all day" - oh, no!!! How can they do it in this hot weather? Do they really keep it, or they just pretend fasting?

Went to Dursun again while kept chatting to Ahmad. And Dursun said a magic word: "If you want, you can try with me"
He was only joking, but at this point I already thought it seriously... But didn't feel ready.

I went to bed, and woke up very early in the morning, still not feeling ready for starting fast. But instead of sitting down and drinking my morning coffe, I started cleaning. I was cleaning and thinking about fast. I was looking for a doctor's opinion about fasting on the Internet. He said, fasting is very good, but you need to drink. So, not much before noon I was ready to start the first fast in my life. I cooked some herbal tea and coffee with no milk, no sugar, and continued cleaning.

Very soon I realized I was alone, and nobody was expected to come home - what a miracle!... So I decided not to talk nor listen to music or video all day - if it is possible. And so it was! I had to refuse only one phone call all day! I was in silence all day long! Incredible!

But still I didn't know what is the reason of fasting. Why do people fast all over the world for a whole month?

Next morning I woke up, and I was sure to continue my fast. I was still alone, doing the kitchen and suddenly I felt like my soul is being separated from my body. My body was whining like "Don't do it with me! I want food! I have a headache! I don't need suffering!" But my soul was far above my body saying "Shut up! I do what I want to do with you! You will not overcome! Just do what I want to do with you!"

I wanted to learn this lesson for so long! What a wonderful experience of fasting!

How did it start?

Just before Christmas 2012 I've got an invitation letter on LinkedIn for a free talk on Skype for people who want to practice English. I'm an English teacher and wanted to know what this American teacher could do with a group of foreign people on Skype. So I joined for a few minutes. It was two days before Christmas. I was busy with baking ginger breads for my family.

We are a very special family. I have four grown up daughters and a husband who left us nearly ten years ago. But we come together for each Christmas eve and give presents, and we enjoy each others. 

As I joined to the Skype session, I was asked who I was, and I talked a few minutes about myself but very soon I went back into the kitchen after realizing all people were non-christian. Some were muslim, some hindu, some russian who don't celebrate Christmas. It was strange to notice Christmas was not so important all over the world. 

The event itself wasn't very interesting. I didn't learn anything new. But I got two Skype invitations by two of the participant boys. One was Hameed from Pakistan, the other was Sandeep from India. 

Very soon I was a very close friend of these boys. Both were wanted to get married but none of them had an arranged financée yet. 

One day I was chatting with Hameed when he got a phone call from Pakistan. She was a girl who asked him to marry her because she had loved him for a long time since they were in the same class in a course. Otherwise she would be given to another boy. Hameed was shocked. Me too. What a brave girl! I asked Hameed what he would do. He wanted to wait until he would go home (he was working in Dubai) and see if he wants to marry the girl or not. I told him 'You're stupid! The girl can't wait for half a year! She wants to get an answer right now!' But Hameed was shy. He didn't know what to say or write. He didn't want to write anyway. At last I suggested him some very short messages and forced him to send a text message. I really had to force him. 'I'm shy, I'm shy' he whined. But at last he sent the text. And very soon after he invited me for his wedding with this girl...

Slowly I got to know his family too. I started teaching his cousin, his nephew, and talked to other members of his family too. He became a part of my life. If I don't hear about him for 2 or 3 days, I call him or he calls me. Yes, sometimes we use mobile as well, because internet connection is not very stabil there. 

But I wasn't sure to go. I couldn't rely on him fully. He lives in Dubai and I have to go to Pakistan for the wedding. What if I'm left at the airport? Who will help me if he is busy at his wedding? 

I've got the answer at the end of June.

I've got a new LinkedIn friend, called Tahir Rafique. He signed me and asked if we could be friends. Yes, sure, we might be friends after talking some time... And we became. He lives 2 hours of driving from Hameed's home. He is a 43 good at English, self employed, has 3 kids. One day he just invited me to visit him in his home and stay there. He promised me to be my guide if I wanted.

Just a few days after I first met Tahir somebody signed me on LinkedIn. I accepted his invitation. He wrote me a few lines saying 'Do you think that we can interact positively to learn from each other?' Signed as Dr Muhammad Shabhaz. Where from? Just about 2-3 hundred kms from Hameed and Tahir. He is 29, and has a little daughter. And promised me to help me if I need while being in Pakistan.

Now, I really want to go to Pakistan. I still don't know why. It just has a magnetic power on me. 

I was talking to an Indian friend of mine about going to Pakistan. He asked: 'What can you lose?'

Yes! What can I lose? My life? Or a great turning point of my life if I don't go.